Unsaid
by sophienorthcott
Summary: This is set in an alternate world, where Tonks died in the Battle of Hogwarts, and her husband, Remus Lupin, lived on with their son.   Story of Remus's biggest regret.
1. Chapter 1

**Unsaid****  
>This is set in an alternate world, where Tonks died in the Battle of Hogwarts, and her husband, Remus Lupin, lived on with their son.<br>Story of Remus's struggle to carry on and his biggest regret. Will he over come his fears in order to raise his son? Or will he abandon his only child?**

Unsaid: Chapter 1 – Dry.

Many people thought it strange that Remus Lupin didn't cry at his wife's funeral.

The truth was that he didn't think there as any liquid left in his body to cry out. He merely sat in the seat at the head of the group, staring mindlessly at her open casket. His son, Teddy gurgled in the seat next to him, but he paid no attention. Andromeda, eyes full of tears at her daughter's premature death, rocked Teddy slowly beside him.

Remus barely noticed Harry standing up, walking to the stage and giving a speech. It must have been very moving, Hermione had to leave and Bill Weasley was crying silently. He was so enveloped in his own thoughts, that he didn't notice Harry leave the stage and move to his side. Didn't notice Harry softly calling his name or shaking him gently. He only broke out of his thoughts when Teddy reached out and grabbed his finger, sending a shot of warmth though him. Remus turned his head to look at his son and smiled sadly as Teddy gazed back up at him, his hair bright, bubble-gum pink.

Harry tugged gently on his shoulder, encouraging him to stand. Remus look even more dishevelled than usual, and the dark purple under his eyes gave away the fact that he hadn't slept since it happened. Remus reached the stage. It was like his Everest. He worried slightly at having to climb the three stairs up onto the stage, as he wasn't sure his legs would carry him. Hesitating, he considered crawling up the stairs, but dismissed the thought, not wanting to look any more pathetic than he already did. He started the first step.

Everybody at the funeral seemed to hold their breath as they watched him climb the stairs. Molly Weasley could be heard sniffling and Arthur watched Remus, concerned at how faded he seemed.

Remus looked out at the faces of the people he knew. Standing next to Tonk's casket, he swayed gently and he held it for support. He suddenly had an odd image crop into his head; their wedding. Tonks understood his disdain at a large wedding, so she settled for a quiet arrangement. He laughed gently as he remembered her beaming smile and sparkling eyes. His eyes stung with the memory of her. He wished he could go back, give her the wedding she deserved. If he had known that would have been the only time they could have stood in front of all their friends, family... He stopped himself. He realised that everybody was still staring at him, waiting for him to talk. He must have looked quite mad. He took a breath. Everybody seemed shocked at how badly he was taking Tonk's death. This thought flashed in his mind. He was furious; how could people not understand how much she meant to him? How she was the one person who truly accepted and loved him just for WHO he was, not WHAT he was. He looked down and shook his head. Of course they didn't know. He had never confined in anybody, not where Tonks was concerned. It took all his remaining strength to glance at her, laid peacefully in her casket, still in the clothes she died in. Her hair; a light purple colour, was sprayed out around her head and her face was set into a serene smile. She looked quite beautiful, Remus understood this. She looked happy in death; she was with her father, cousin and her beloved mentor. What he couldn't quite get over was how still she was. Tonks was never stationary. Not even in sleep. Remus recalls many nights, watching her sleep, stunned at the fact she could sleep while tapping her foot, fingers or head. He smiled to himself gently. He looked up at the crowd.

"She's so still. It's... it's not right." His voice was hoarse and croaky. He could remember if he had said anything since it happened. His words had a great effect on the audience; everybody cried a fresh batch of tears. He gazed down at her.  
>"Please. Not my Dora.."<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Sophie – Got really in the flow of thing when starting this chapter, but found it harder and harder as it went on. As you can probably tell. Apologies for crappy writing, but I needed to just get this chapter out. Hopefully the next one will be better!**

**Comments, whether they are good or bad, are always welcome. (Also, any ideas where this story could go? I obviously have my own idea mapped out, but would greatly appreciate any suggestions. I may even write a story dedicated to you!)**

**Disclaimer – I own nothing.**

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Remus woke with a start and looked anxiously around the room. For a split second he had forgotten what had happened and he smiled at the space next to him. His smile was quickly dismissed. He rolled over and pulled the covers closer around his head, staring intently at the space where she used to lay.

~~~

Molly and Harry were downstairs, Molly pottering around the kitchen, and Harry sat playing with Teddy.  
>"How long do you think it will take?" Harry asked, glancing up at Molly. She sighed and shook her head sadly.<br>"I don't know… I can't even begin to imagine how he feels. It was bad enough losing –," She stopped herself and clutched at the worktop, breathing deeply. Harry avoided her glance, Fred's death was still raw for everybody and Harry especially, he couldn't help but feel responsible. Molly cleared her throat and continued. "He just needs us right now." She placed water, coffee, cereal and toast on a tray and nodded to Harry.  
>"Take this to him. He'll only listen to you.." Harry got up slowly; picking up Teddy and lying him down in a small playpen, where he giggled and stared up at a slowly spinning mobile; blinking at the image of a pretty young women, with bright purple hair. Molly smiled at the baby and handed the tray to Harry, who turned on his heel and started up the stairs.<p>

~~~

Remus heard Harry from two flights away, his werewolf senses left him with an enhanced hearing ability. He rolled over onto his back and spoke as Harry got to the door.  
>"Harry, thank you, but I'm not hungry." He sounded stronger today, but he was nowhere near being recovered. Harry ignored him and stepped inside. He had trouble adjusting to the darkness and instead just stayed still in the doorway.<br>"You need to eat something Re- Lupin." He flushed slightly; he still thought it weird to call his former professor by his first name. Remus noticed his stammer and smiled lightly.  
>"Harry, you can call me Remus... Your father would think it strange if you did not." Harry's eyes had adjusted to the dark, so he walked into the room and placed the tray down on the side table. He settled down in a chair beside him and smiled gently;<br>"Eat, you'll feel better…" Remus glanced at Harry, and sighed.  
>"Harry, I appreciate everything you're doing. Letting me stay here…" Harry shook his head.<br>"Of course, you're like family too…" He nodded once again to the tray of food. "Eat." Remus reluctantly took the tray and took a bite of the toast. Harry watched him. They sat in silence for a while, each not knowing what to say. Harry, feeling awkward, stood up and walked to the windows, where the thick brown curtains were shut tightly. He pulled them apart, and smiled at the sun's rays. He turned to Remus.  
>"Maybe you could come downstairs later on… Teddy's wondering what's happened to you." Remus continued eating the toast. "He needs his dad," Harry pressed. "You can't stay cooped up here forever…" Remus put down his slice of toast and nodded.<br>"I.. I can't look at him. He looks just like her.." He said quietly. Harry sat down on the chair beside him again.  
>"Isn't that a good thing?" Remus shook his head.<br>"He's going to blame me.. eventually. Once he finds out -"  
>"Remus, don't be absurd. He's your son. He'll know you couldn't have done anything to stop it…"<br>"That's not what I meant." Remus mumbled. He hung his head low. Harry watched him, curious. Remus raised his head slightly to look at Harry, and the tears that were forming in his eyes shone in the pale sunlight.  
>"I never told her…" He started, voice breaking. Harry nodded, encouraging him to go on. "I never told her... that I loved her."<br>Harry leaned towards him with the brightest smile he could muster.  
>"She knew. Of course she knew." Remus shook his head, tears slowly falling down his face.<br>"But I never said it. Not properly. Whenever she would say, 'I love you Remus' I would just smile and nod, or kiss her cheek. I never said the words…" Harry leaned back in his chair; not knowing what to say. He knew that actually hearing the words from her husband's mouth would have been the very thing Tonks would have wanted, but he knew he couldn't break that to Remus. He looked at Remus, who continued.  
>"She didn't know how I really felt. Not really. She always thought she was this.. burden for me. A silly little girl who was stopping me from everything. She couldn't have been more wrong," Remus said, mostly to himself. Harry didn't think Remus even knew he had an audience anymore. He wasn't sure whether to stay or leave. He decided to keep quiet, to let Remus get it all out.<br>"She brought me to life. She was never afraid to show people, tell people how she felt about me. Once, she said to me that she appreciated that I was willing to look past her flaws," Remus laughed gently to himself. "Truth be told, she had none. None at all. She was perfect… Beautiful, funny, smart, loyal, courageous. And she wanted me. I always knew how lucky I was that she picked me to be with, when she could have had anybody… But, I wish I had told her just how special she was to me. How much I truly loved her." Remus glanced over at a picture of Tonks laughing happily, stood between Mad Eye and Charlie. He smiled a little. "She was my true love."


End file.
